![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
Rise as kindred should.
If ever lover's loneliness
Came where you stood,
Pray that Heaven protect us
That protect your blood.
The mountain throws a shadow,
Thin is the moon's horn;
What did we remember
Under the ragged thorn?
Dread has followed longing,
And our hearts are torn.
since it is the first day of the new year, i felt compelled to write on here. resolution time? maybe. i normally don't do the whole "new year, new life" thing but i'll be a little cliche, i suppose. i normally make resolutions every other day. why wait for a new year?! haha. anyway, here it goes:
1. quit smoking: that's the big one, i'll still do it occasionally...but VERY occasionally.
2. to look before i leap: i tend to be the type of person who stands on the edge and when i wonder what's at the bottom...i jump. then after the fall, i end up with 3 broken ribs, a broken leg, (and often heart) covered in jank, looking back up at the ledge longingly, wondering how i ended up at the bottom. i've felt that way a few too many times, and as hard as it is for someone like me who is so easily driven by emotions and not common sense, i plan to remember that all our actions have consequences.
3. to care a little more about schoolwork: i skate really well. i get Bs, but if i actually tried, i could have As.
4. to not care so much about what other people think: while, i think it's good to care about what other's think, i don't think that it should really dictate your actions or how you feel about yourself. i have a horrible habit of imagining what people must be thinking whenever i do something. it honestly shouldn't matter.
5. to get around campus more: i love TKE with all my heart and will, undoubtedly, be there for every one of their events, but i'd really like to get out and about more. as much as i don't like some of the other fraternities *coughs sigEp* i'd still like to see if maybe i can learn to like them more or at least occasionally get a change of scenery.(just not sigEp...haha)
6. to not get involved so quickly: i want to know a guy before i start dating him. it's a little difficult to know that you want to be with someone, when you don't really know who they are. i've learned that. i mean, i don't have to have known him for 5 years or anything, i would just like to move a little slower and find out more about them before i change my facebook status. lol
I guess there are other things that i would like to change about myself, but some of them are as essential to me as my double x chromosome. lol.
i can't change my headstrong stubborn nature, i can try to improve it but that's about it.
i can't help but be passionate about the people/things that i love. i can't just sorta love, with me it's all or nothing. i mean, it hurts more when i have a falling out, etc. but i wouldn't want myself to be half-hearted about anything or anyone.
i can't help but make mistakes. sometimes i need to make mistakes to remember that i can. i'm never going to be perfect, i don't want to be. sometimes i don't want to do the right thing. does that make me a bad person? i don't think so. people are fallible.
i'm still going to be rough around the edges, flawed, crazy at times, maybe a little too drunk sometimes, or a little too fresh at moments, but you know, that's just me. i don't need or want to change that.
it's been rough going the passed few months, but i've realized that as long as i don't loose sight of who i am, i can get by. will i get hurt again? undoubtedly. am i still hurting? assuredly. was it worth it? maybe. would i do anything differently? probably not.
will i follow my resolutions? heh. meow. ummm...sure? hopefully.
i'll give it a try, anyways. :)
-amanda jo=2009
- Location:home at DOZ
- Mood:
and tired - Music:All I Need by Radiohead
my love horoscope for last week...
For the Week of Dec 1st, 2008 -- Kindness counts more than being cool on Friday so listen attentively and talk sweetly to make the best impression possible. The tune changes on Saturday when you may start to lose your patience and take a more assertive approach to relationships. Being bolder can work as long as you don't go too far and push someone away.
sound familiar???
- Location:work
- Mood:weirded out
- Music:none, i'm with a tester
Monday, Nov 17th, 2008 -- You have reached your limit dealing with people who are not willing to acknowledge their feelings. But don't jump to any conclusions, for it's possible that you misinterpreted someone's attempt to reach out to you. Sometimes, you can be so goal-oriented that you miss a more subtle communication. Take the time to sink into your emotions before accusing others of avoiding theirs.
For the Week of Nov 17th, 2008 -- Communication challenges can complicate your personal life this weekend. Taking the time to be precise about what you say and making sure that you're clear about what you hear may be awkward but is necessary. Being on the same page with someone is essential if romance is to blossom.
haha, yeah i probably should've been more clear with some people...
- Location:work
- Mood:
contemplative - Music:none, sad day
http://www.bored.com/drawthings/save.php?i
http://www.bored.com/drawthings/save.php?i
- Location:DOZ couch
- Mood:
apathetic - Music:lollipop by lil wayne
Thursday, Oct 23rd, 2008 -- No matter how deeply you try to dig today, you won't likely get to the bottom of what's happening. Everyone's motives appear to be close to the surface, yet they are more hidden than you realize. Instead of wasting precious time trying to find the source of someone's inspiration, just accept things at face value. You can always do additional detective work later on.
- Location:debbie's desk
- Mood:
bored - Music:keep on loving you cover by the donnas
Wednesday, Oct 22nd, 2008 -- You may feel as if you are living your life in a fishbowl now and everyone can see everything you do all the time. The truth of the matter is that you are moving through a phase when you can withhold more than is prudent. It's true that you can lose power by disclosing too much too fast, yet you may miss an opportunity for growth if you don't take a chance and open up.
- Location:tke
- Mood:
crappy - Music:the daily show
- Location:the obudsman's for last time
- Mood:
cold - Music:Black Roses Red by Alana Grace
THE Zodiacal Sign of Capricorn commences on December 21st, but for seven days, being overlapped by the influence of the previous sign, so it can not take its full power until on or about December 28th. From this out it is in full strength until January 20th, and is then for seven days gradually losing its strength on account of becoming overlapped by the "cusp" of the incoming sign Aquarius. People who were born between January 20th and the 27th partake of the characteristics of both Capricorn and Aquarius, and the same rule applies to all persons born within the "cusp" of any signs.
These people are usually ambitious and the lives of those born under this sign are marked by a purposeful pursuit of their destiny. CAPRICORNS have a sense of purpose and a great faith in their own ability.
People born in January are usually mentally strong, but they are, as a rule, generally aren’t understood by other people. They are thinkers, reasoners, and usually successful in business or any form of government work. Capricorn is a pushy Cardinal Earth sign ruled by Saturn, the planet of adversity.
They are as a rule very independent and high-minded in all what they do, and detest being under the restraint of others. Capricorns will grind anything that gets in their way down to dust. Time is definitely on their side. It gets easier for them as they older. When they age, they cheer up too.
They must be leaders in whatever they are engaged, or else they are inclined to lose their interest in what they do. These poeople, as a rule, are serious individuals, beneath their reserve there is a sensitive and sympathetic person and anyone who needs a strong shoulder to lean on needn't look further than the CAPRICORN. One of their more striking characteristics is their subtle sense of humor.
Such people have non-typical ideas of love, duty, and social position, and that is why they are often considered to be "odd," and do not fit in easily with their neighbors or colleagues. Their basic concern is for security and to understand the feelings and needs of other people. CAPRICORNS have a great sense of pride and will not forgive anyone who belittles or slights them
They are often excellent speakers, but not because they are good orators, but because they plain their speech.
Although they may seem to be cold, they have warm hearts towards suffering, and as a rule they give away very much, but subscribe more generously when giving to institutions than when giving to a person.
Fear is at the root of all Capricorn troubles. It si necessary for them to chip away at those fears. They must try to be gentle with themselves, but do the work.
They worship intellectual, clever people; they rarely interfere with the affairs of others, but they will never stand interference from others.
They should aim for some form of public life. Generally these people succeed in such careers. Government or responsible positions of control and management of others is the best work for them.
This people are inclined to excite bitter opposition but bear up against it with a philosophic spirit. Their home and family life is very often a troubled one. They frequently feel "lonely-hearted" and misunderstood, even if it is not so. On the other hand they respond well to domestic life because it proves stability. Once they fall in love and commit, the typical CAPRICORN is unlikely to jeopardize the union. They place great importance on personal happiness.
If we take in the full picture, we will see that it is a mixed bag of both greatness and evil. This can take many forms. It can show one who suffers at the hand of evil and who is cast out in disgrace, or it can show one who has sacrificed their own soul to gain the world, or some variation in between. There is often a fondness for the earth and agriculture present in these natives.
This is the fairy tale that should have been read to us when we were little:
Once upon a time
~~~~~~~~
in a land far away,
~~~~~~ ~~
a beautiful, independent,
self-assured princess
~~~~~~~~
happened upon a frog as she sat
contemplating ecological issues
on the shores of an unpolluted pond
in a verdant meadow near her castle.
~~~~~~~~
The frog hopped into the princess' lap
and said: ' Elegant Lady,
I was once a handsome prince,
until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
~~~~~~~~
One kiss from you, however,
and I will turn back
into the dapper, young prince that I am
~~~~~~~~
and then, my sweet, we can marry
~~~~~~~~
and set up housekeeping in your castle
~~~~~~~~
with my mother,
~~~~~~~~
where you can prepare my meals,
~~~~~~~~
clean my clothes, bear my children,
~~~~~~~~
and forever feel
grateful and happy doing so. '
~~~~~~~~
That night,
~~~~~~~~
as the princess dined sumptuously
~~~~~~~~
on lightly sauteed frog legs
~~~~~~~~
seasoned in a white wine
~~~~~~~
and onion cream sauce,
~~~~~~~~
she chuckled and thought to herself:
~~~~~~~~
I don't freaking think so.
Female preying mantis consume the male after mating,
for fetal nourishment.
Female tarantulas just kill the males after mating.
Princesses clearly do not need to resort to such extreme measures to justify their means.
And all girls are princesses.
And that is a happily ever after.
The End.
- Location:tke loveseat
- Mood:
chipper - Music:i can tell by 504 boyz
so i came back from courti and deuce's last night to an empty house. i ran over to TKE, in hopes of the devil not being able to catch me, because it is really creepy in the backyard at night, especially after watching devour. it was about midnight, so i figured there would still be people up and about, but nobody answered when i rang the doorbell. i called doni, and streicher came down to get me. doni was almost asleep in streicher's bed, and streicher was playing a little x-box. i don't know what he was playing, but it might have been call of duty or something because he was a soldier. i kept getting him to shoot people in the ass, which was fun. we got to clownin' about "slants" and gustaman, i thought i would give him some extra little sister time since i found out last night that he's STILL not getting a little brother, which makes me really sad :( i told him that i had to stay there for awhile because i was too afraid to go home...which was partially true.
then i had CRAZY dreams. there was this white chinchilla/rabbit thing that i found, and i started rocking it. then kirby killed my pet frog, and i was making out with brian...and that is why i should never watch scary ass movies before i go to bed.
Ever gotten a hair stuck in your mouth?
yes and i hate it
What kind of dog do you find most ugly?
chiuauha (nsr)
Do you like wood floors or carpet better?
wood floors for looks and carpet for sheer comfyness
When was the last time you went out to eat?
yesterday at CRAZY BUFFET with courti and d.!!!!
How's your hair lookin'?
this brassy red color, and it's very straight and starting to grow out again
Do you find that the same sex really annoys you?
oh yeah, i've always gotten along better with boys, the only girls that i can hangout with all the time are my besties, because they're chill like me
Do you even care about this years election?
i REALLY do! yay OBAMA!!!
MTV, overrated or cool?
i wouldn't say it's cool, but i like watching some of the shows on there every now and again
What type of music can you not stand to listen to?
i'm not much into country, but i like a select few things from the genre
Do you find yourself changing lately?
i've changed a lot. i'm a little more forward, independent, and overall more self-sufficient and confident. i've also stopped putting up with bullshit from people. i can be a little bit of a bitch at times...
Is there anything you're looking forward to?
one word...PASSOVER! and i'm not talking about the religious holiday
When was the last time you felt like punching someone?
a couple of weekends ago
Do you act on impulse or do you think things through?
IMPULSE, which gets me into trouble at times
What time is it?
4:18
Which show is better Spongebob or the Fairly Odd Parents?
spongebob, all the way
Explain why you last yelled at someone:
she got up in mine and my friend's faces yelling at us
Could you survive boot camp or do you think you'd leave?
i wouldn't be there in the first place...i'm a pacifist
Do you think the USA bullies other contries?
ummmm...YEAH
What is the last thing/person you cuddled with?
the last thing was my stuffed dog, Diggs
Think you could cut off your own foot if it meant saving your leg?
that would suck ass, but yeah
How's the weather today?
nice
Have you ever taken a shower with someone else?
yep
Who was the last person you held hands with? When?
like, held hands/held hands? i'd rather not go there.
but the first thing to pop-up in my head was schenk dragging me around the house friday night because i'd be upstairs when they wanted me downstairs to play flippy. lol
Does that person mean anything to you?
yeah, he's my friend
Are you craving anything right now?
more crazy buffet :P
Do you believe you're a healthy eater?
ha ha nope.
What was the last thing you watched on TV?
...good question, some medical show?
Has anyone ever told you that you looked like someone else?
yes...i do not look like freaking gretchen wilson
You're lost in the middle of the woods; do you wait for a rescue?
hellz no, i blaze my own trail out of that bitch
Did OJ really kill his wife?
YES.
When was the last time you took a shower?
this morning
Do you believe in life on other planets?
nope
What is the worst thing about having a pet?
shedding
Ever been embarrassed by someone in your family?
all the time, some of the things my mom wears...wow
What was last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
??? a blackboard article, i think
Furthest place you ever traveled?
florida
Can you taste the difference between pepsi and coke?
pshaw, yeah.
Would you drop your last name if you became famous?
heck yeah, just like "cher" and "madonna"...it would be "amanda jo"
What is the compliment you get from most people?
people like to comment on my multi-colored left eye, or if your morgan you go on talking about my firm, curvaceous breasts, lol. sorry that's just too funny.
Do you think you are emotionally strong?
not as much as i used to be
Are you in love/have you ever been in love?
tough call...no.
Have you ever been honked at while walking down the sidewalk?
honked, waved, holla'ed, and whistled
Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers?
ahhh...Dr. Macleod, i just can't take that accent. ;)
Do you have a secret people would be surprised knowing?
there might be a couple in there
How many rings until you answer the phone?
well my phone is currently dead, so i would have to say 0
In the opposite sex, do you prefer blondes or brunettes?
doesn't really matter, but from past history i do seem to prefer darker haired boys
Who are you dating, or who would you like to be dating?
nobody, i'm a free bird, yo. as to the 2nd question...not EVEN gonna comment.
Do you have a reoccuring dream?
not anymore
If you were someone else, would you be friends with yourself?
yeah, because i pretty much get along with everyone
- Location:the obudsman's room
- Mood: calm
- Music:paper planes by MIA
Go to: Yesterday | Tomorrow
 DeathThis card is commonly misconstrued and does not specifically pertain to physical death. The Death card signifies change in your life brought about by the ending of a current situation and the beginning of a new one. While the card itself may be morbid, it actually represents exciting change in your life. Be prepared for new and exciting situations to develop. |
anyway, last night was fun times...tbc
gotta get ready to go over to courti and deuce's!!!
-manda jo
- Location:my newly clean room
- Mood:
bouncy - Music:californication by the red hot chilli peppers
Pushby Matchbox Twentyalbum: Yourself Or Someone Like You (1996), |
She said I don't know if I've ever been good enough.
I'm a little bit rusty, and I think my head is caving in,
And I don't know if I've ever been really loved,
By a hand that's touched me,
And I feel like something's gonna give,
And I'm a little bit angry.
Well, this ain't over, no, not here,
Not while I still need you around.
You don't owe me, we might change,
Yeah, we just might feel good.
(chorus)
I wanna push you around,
Well, I will,
Well, I will,
I wanna push you down,
Well, I will,
Well, I will,
I wanna take you for granted,
I wanna take you for granted,
Yeah, yeah, well, I will.
She said I don't know why you ever would lie to me,
Like I'm a little untrusting,
When I think that the truth is gonna hurt ya,
And I don't know why you couldn't just stay with me.
You couldn't stand to be near me,
When my face don't seem to want to shine,
'Cause it's a little bit dirty.
Well, don't just stand there, say nice things to me,
'Cause I've been cheated, I've been wronged,
And you, you don't know me,
Yeah, well, I can't change.
I won't do anything at all.
(chorus)
Oh, but don't bowl me over.
Just wait a minute, well, it kinda fell apart,
Things get so crazy, crazy.
Don't rush this baby, don't rush this baby, baby.
(chorus) |
so i'm basically just killing time until my next class at 2. then i have to work from 3-5...then SWEET FREEDOM OF THE WEEKEND!!!!
unfortunately, i have a shit ton of reading to do this weekend, but oh well. i'm still plannin on having an awesome-hella-good time tonight and tomorrow night! (i've actually started a little early, lol.) that's it for now:)
-mj
- Location:DOZ couch
- Mood: literally, you should see me
- Music:Push by Matchbox 20
Casimir Pulaski Dayby Sufjan Stevensalbum: Illinois (2005) |
Goldenrod and the 4H stone,
the things I brought you,
when I found out you had cancer of the bone
Your father cried on the telephone,
and he drove his car into the navy yard,
just to prove that he was sorry
In the morning, through the window shade,
when the light pressed up against your shoulder blade,
I could see what you were reading.
All the glory that the Lord has made,
and the complications you could do without,
when I kissed you on the *mouth.
Tuesday night at the Bible study,
we lift our hands and pray over your body,
but nothing ever happens.
I remember at Michael's house,
in the living room when you kissed my *neck,
and I almost touched your blouse.
In the morning at the top of the stairs,
when your father found out what we did that night,
and you told me you were scared.
All the glory when you ran outside,
with your shirt tucked in and your shoes untied,
and you told me not to follow you.
Sunday night when I cleaned the house,
I find the card where you wrote it out,
with the pictures of you mother.
On the floor at the great divide,
with my shirt tucked in and my shoes untied,
I am crying in the bathroom.
In the morning when you finally go,
and the nurse runs in with her head hung low,
and the cardinal hits the window.
In the morning in the winter shade,
on the 1st of March on the holiday,
I thought I saw you breathing.
All the glory that the Lord has made,
and the complications when I see His face,
in the morning in the window.
All the glory when he took our place,
but he took my shoulders and he shook my face,
and he takes and he takes and he takes. |
:(sad day
meow dylan from 90210
double meow:)
ahhh work.
- Location:DOZ
- Mood: chipper
- Music:casimir pulaski day by sufjan stevens
so i've only been back in evansville and i already feel myself falling into the same old routine. force myself to go to class, work, and try to keep up with my reading assignments. go next door and try to study, which always fails miserably because i always tend to get swept away with what's on tv or some random drinking game. etc.
i basically live from weekend to weekend; dreading monday and yearning for friday. i try to keep a little focus on weeknights, most of the time barricading myself up in the lair for when i have to read a bunch of crap. half the time when i try to read i have other things on my mind, to the point where i'll have to read them over and over again to absorb anything, although this could just be cognitive science, idk.
don't get me wrong, i've had a lot of fun already this semester. i've met a lot of new people, which i love doing, the parties next door have been crazy awesome, hosting glamour girl went really well, old greggin' it up, and i always have a good time hanging out at courti and deuce's place and chillin' with the boys. us girls in the house are even getting along well! amber's cool now, MADNESS!!!, i know... but with the sweet always comes the sour...
mallory's accident, mr. deputy committing suicide, doni getting a ticket, deja de-activating and all the drama that came with that, people stressing everybody else out over THEIR drama, having virtually no money, my charger being fucked up, and just being stressed as hell all throughout recruitment, which is now over thank God, oh and the people trying to steal my identity.
luckily, throughout all of the shit this first bit of the semester, i've stayed the eternal optimist. although things can always get worse, i like to think on terms of them getting better. what do they say, "expect the worst but hope for the best?"
then there's always the fact that i don't get my first paycheck until SEPTEMBER 19TH. *ugh* i hate having to ask for money from home. *grrrrr*
well anyway, i'm going to read my cogsci before class and then lie around until two.
-mj
- Location:DOZ house couch
- Mood:
indifferent - Music:Such Great Heights by the Postal Service
SO YESTERDAY WAS FUN TIMES. I GOT UP AT COURTI AND DEUCE’S AND COURTI, AND DONI, DEJA AND I WENT TO CRAZY BUFFET, WHICH WAS SUPER FUN. I DECIDED NOT TO EAT ANY TANGELOS THIS TIME, LOL.
THEN WHEN WE GOT BACK COURTI AND I STARTED TALKING ABOUT OUR CRAZY 80S TOYS, AND NOW WE’RE GOING TO MAKE A MOVIE OUT OF MY LITTLE PONIES AND CUPCAKE DOLLS, LOL. WE’RE SO CRAZY!
WE ENDED UP GOING TO AMBER’S AND WATCHING BLOODY MARY AGAIN. THIS TIME WASN’T NEARLY AS SCARY AS THE 1ST. THIS TIME WE GOT TO MAKE FUN OF IT, AND NOW TONI IS “BLOODY TONI” OR “B.T.” IT’S TOO FABULOUS. SHE KEPT GRABBING DEJA AND I, TRYING TO SCARE US. THEN WE CAME BACK TO THE HOUSE TO CHILL, BUT JACI WAS ASLEEP ON THE COUCH (AT LEAST SHE WAS ASLEEP BEFORE WE CAME IN YELLING. LOL.), SO WE ENDED UP GOING NEXT DOOR AND PLAYING PHASE TEN. NOT TO MENTION OUR WONDERFUL PILLOW FIGHT, LOL. OH GEEZE, IT’S GOOD TO GET TO HANG OUT WITH EVERYONE AGAIN…IT’S GOOOOOD!!! J
- Location:DOZ chair
- Mood:
happy - Music:talking with people
-mj
- Location:DOZ
- Mood:
exhausted
i don't know why i'm not in contact with hardly any of my friends from pike. have we really grown apart that much? i don't know if it's my fault...if i was the one who pulled away from them, or if we've all just changed into different people than the ones we were a year ago, and these new people aren't friends with each other.
the worst part about it is that i don't really miss them as much as i feel like i should. being in college is just a whole different world. i miss people that i've known for one semester more than i miss my best friend of 19 years. it's just so weird.
i didn't really have problems adjusting to college life. in fact, i feel completely in my element with the whole thing. i've kept my grades up and made tons of wonderful friends, but i guess i never really counted on having to adjust back to life in the PC. now, i feel like i have to get to know all of my old friends again, as a different person, and i think really the reason why i've stayed away from so many of my old friends is because i'm not sure if they'll like the person that i am now.
don't get me wrong, i feel like the person that i am now is the real me. i don't regret anything that i've done...well with the exception of one thing, but that wasn't completely my fault and i probably wouldn't take it back anyway. BUT the point is I like who i am, and if my friends from home can't understand that then i guess they were never really as good of friends as i thought they were.
anyway, now that i've went on that huge spiel...i'm going to holiday world again this weekend. this time with my family...it should be pretty interesting. my mom bought the scariest swimsuit i've ever seen...it's a white one piece with gold, chain dangly things on part of it and huge cutouts on the side. she asked me what i thought about it and all i could say was that it "looked like something that a 1970s Bond girl would wear." i was quite disturbed and i told her that she should wear a "more mom-like bathingsuit." lol
PS- my hair has now morphed into a weird shade of strawberry blonde...not sure how i feel about this.
-MJ
- Location:the library
- Mood:
tired - Music:clicking noises
Friday, Apr 25th, 2008 -- The solid ground that you thought was beneath your feet has temporarily softened. Things that should be stable are disintegrating right before your eyes. This can be a magical and creative time if you have faith in yourself. Use your imagination to sail past the very same obstacles that were recently in your way.
interesting horoscope. i can relate to the faith in myself thing, because i have been on this whole "getting my life back in order" kick recently.
but read on, dear friend, read on...
my daily tarot card:
The Devil
The Devil represents wild behaviour and reckless abandon. This is a card synonymous with temptation and addiction. At its worst, this card embodies evil, but at its best represents ambition, impulsiveness and pure devotion. You should be acutely aware of the destructive influences in your life and gather the strength to overcome them.
you know, i have been feeling pretty reckless recently, maybe i should do something completely unlike myself just so i can shock everyone, lol. i underlined the best part. snaps, yo.
so i guess, apparently, i'm not on solid ground, i'm a reckless/impulsive addict, who should overcome destructive influences and sail past obstacles.
sounds good.
- Location:work
- Mood: pensive
- Music:My Friends by Johnny Depp and Helena Bohnam Carter
